


When He Left

by Junigatsu84



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Aged Up, Almost Kiss, Angst, Artist Will Byers, Artists, Bisexual Mike Wheeler, Byeler - Freeform, California, Drawing, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Will Byers, High School, Hollywood, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, JUST KISS ALREADY, M/M, Memories, Mike Wheeler Loves Will Byers, Movie monsters - Freeform, Past Relationship(s), Post Season 2, Sharing a Bed, Sleeping Together, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Will Byers Deserves Love, Will Byers Loves Mike Wheeler, Will Byers Needs a Hug, Will Byers-centric, Will Byers/Mike Wheeler-centric, Will is a Mess, byler, gay in the 80s, gay in the 90s, leaving for college, post college, pretending season 3 never happened for this one, sleepover, sorta slow burn, will byers is gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:22:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24656785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Junigatsu84/pseuds/Junigatsu84
Summary: Will looked back to see Mike at the gate, his forced smile starting to crumble.  Will had managed to get the chance of a lifetime: a scholarship to an arts college in California.  He would be there among the monster makers of the movie industry.  He was pursuing his dream, but what was he giving up in exchange?It has been four years since Will left Hawkins.  Everybody went in their own separate directions.  But it has been 10 years since the Gate opened and Will's nightmares are getting worse.  So, the party reunites and old feelings ignite.((This series is set in 1993 with flashbacks to years prior.  It can be read as a stand alone or as a sequel to When She Left and Don’t Ask Me, I Can’t Tell You.))
Relationships: Will Byers & Dustin Henderson, Will Byers/Mike Wheeler
Comments: 30
Kudos: 35





	1. October 28th, 1993

October 28th, 1993

Will felt the sunlight across his face and opened his eyes. The covers were insulating the heat from him and the man laying beside him. That thick mop of black hair, the curvature of his tan back. Will reached out and traced the muscles beneath. 

Ishaan stirred. Will thought, “Don’t wake up, don’t wake up.” He laid perfectly still. But alas, the man turned over and looked at Will, still groggy but the blanket of sleep quickly wearing off. 

Will spoke softly, “Sorry I woke you. I was just gonna make breakfast.”

The man looked away and mumbled, “I have to get to work.”

There it was. The shame. Ishaan was a flame that Will seemed to keep flying back to. He was exactly his type. Tall, beautiful, and incapable of committing to a relationship. They were drawn to each other. 

Ishaan was still very much in the closet. But he would come to clubs. He loved that Will had this quiet, inviting exterior. He’d actually told him this. That Will was safe. He wasn’t “that” gay. That he could pass as straight.

Ishaan had no idea about Will’s occasional drag nights. 

Ishaan grabbed his clothes quickly with a speed Will had become familiar with. Will had hoped he could open Ishaan’s eyes, and help him learn to love and accept himself for who he was. But when the morning light came, so did the shame. Will embodied all the things Ishaan didn’t want to face and he would put as much distance between him as he could. 

Will put on his pj bottoms and walked down the hallway in time to see Ishaan throw on his jacket. 

“Ishaan.”

Eye contact. 

“Someday, I’d love to have breakfast with you.” 

Will could see him try to swallow a lump in his throat. 

“I’m sorry, Will.” He opened the door and walked out.

Will padded his way to the kitchen, and opened the fridge, looking at the eggs and bacon sitting inside. He felt deflated. He could feel a familiar tug, trying to pull him back to bed so that he could curl under the covers. But he knew that if he did that, he’d lose the day. And it seemed like a beautiful one to waste. He turned to the window and cranked the handle, opening them. The air was fresh and warmed from the sun. 

Will brought out the eggs, bacon, toast, and butter. He’d remembered feeling the same way Ishaan had. He remembered when he first came to the city in college and kept his identity confined to the night. He used to have a similar elitism, trying to separate himself from gay men that seemed especially feminine, doing anything he could to distance himself from the stereotypes that plagued his sexuality. But going to group helped with that. He opened his mind to become more accepting. He even experimented in his identity and found freedom in the exploration.

He cracked the egg into a bowl. Ishaan hadn’t wanted to go to any of the groups Will recommended. He was in denial. He picked up another egg. He thought, 'You're just something he craves.' 

Crack.

“Damnit.” He’d gotten eggshells in the mix. He picked them out. Will was beginning to realize that it would take a lot of soul searching for Ishaan to accept himself. Something Will couldn’t help him with. How long would it take? How many more mornings did he have to watch him run out the door? 

Will turned on the stove and let the butter simmer while he whisked the eggs together. Dustin’s words rang in his head.

‘You deserve to be more than someone’s secret.’ Dustin didn’t mince words but he was right. And it just seemed like Will was always drawn to the type that didn’t want to come out. 

He heard a door open. Dustin groggily walked in from the hallway. “You are a Godsend. Is that eggs I smell?”

Will smiled. “And bacon will be next.”

“Screw all these other guys. Marry me.”

“Pretty sure there are some terms and conditions you wouldn’t be up for there.”

“Forget them. I’ll do all the butt stuff. Just make me eggs every day.”

Will threw the dish towel at him. 

Dustin got the grounds out and started making coffee. “Your man-friend still here?”

Will shook his head. 

“That’s too bad. He’s missing out on an awesome breakfast.” He smiled, “And some great company.”

Will smirked. He loved living with Dustin. 

___________________________

After breakfast Will got ready for work. It was Sunday and he knew he didn’t have to go in, but he needed a reason to get out of the flat. He didn’t want to sit alone, pining for Ishaan. Will could feel that it was ending. It was a transition that he’d done before. It felt all too familiar but still hurt.

The worst part was seeing them months later, out, proud, and in a relationship. He’d be happy for them, but then he’d wonder. Why hadn’t it been with him? Why wasn’t he enough? Why did it seem like they only changed after he left? 

But then, again, he knew that wasn’t always true. There were guys that never came out. Like Hartford, who had a wife and kids that were completely unaware of his Friday escapades. Dating him, being his side piece, was a low point for Will.

And then of course…. There had also been Mike.

‘Nope,’ Will thought. He shut down that train of thought and brought out his sketchbook. He needed to distract himself with a project. Studio time helped with that. After all this time, he still had a weakness with Mike. He’d made his peace with pretty much every guy after. But with him, there was a tenderness that had never faded. And if he thought about Mike when he was like this, in the throes of rejection, he’d fall to pieces. 

He grabbed his headphones out of his bag as the Metro carried him across town to his stop. These days, his Walkman turned mostly Sonic Youth albums. Today it was Dreamnation. He got off and headed to The WereHouse. 

It was a prop house popular among the independent filmmakers and even the occasional large studio. It was owned by two brothers. One ran the historical prop store, located in another part of town. That shop was mostly a gallery of antiques from all different periods, some originals, some reproductions. That had been where Will had gotten his start, running around thrift stores, estate sales, and antique shops trying to find period correct pieces for their inventory. 

But when his boss saw Will’s sketchbook, he got transferred to The WereHouse. The other brother’s creative dungeon of fantasy, sci-fi, and horror props and prosthetics. Will was living his dream, getting to make monsters for movies. Though… most of his work consisted of prop dummies that ended up being burned, buried, or otherwise mutilated. Some weeks were spent meticulously painting disembodied limbs, fingers, and heads. Occasionally larger more creative opportunities arose, like the one he was working on now. 

The whole project was very hush hush. When studios put out work like this, they were looking for more than monsters: they were looking for talent. Will was pouring in extra hours because getting this deal would mean he’d be part of something big. It wouldn’t just be low cost props for independent filmmakers. They’d have the backing of a studio. It meant potentially being a part of the next blockbuster. 

He could be responsible for the next Xenomorph. The idea was both terrifying and elating. As a result, he spent most of his days either drawing or sculpting with the occasional break to eat and sleep. But it took his mind off of the trials and failures of his love life. 

He opened the door and nodded to Anderson, who manned the reception desk. He was currently nose deep in the novel, Dune. 

Will walked through the vestibule, where some of the past projects were displayed and made his way through the giant room with shelves scraping the ceiling. One row consisted of nothing but body parts: From whole limbs and torsos to severed fingers and toes. On another row, there was a treasure trove of cursed objects: elvish daggers, cauldrons of all different sizes, stitched leather books, crystals of every color. 

Will remembered how awestruck he was the first time he came here… well, honestly for the few months. Now, it was just a part of his life. He’d still get these moments of “I can’t believe I’m working my dream job.” But it had become his new norm. He wished the whole party could see it. Dustin had completely lost his shit when he saw it. But they were the only two of the party in Burbank. 

Not for long, though. Lucas was nearly finished his last year in the Navy, and Dustin had been pulling every string he could to make sure Lucas got a position as an engineer at the company he worked for, AECOM. Max has been living with her dad on the coast the past few years. Despite being in the same state, she was still about five hours away. Once Lucas was back on shore, there was a chance of them getting back together and her moving closer. But she had that software job and it was more likely Lucas would move up to her. 

Over the years, Will had tried to convince Mike to come over to the coast, to get out of Hawkins. Maybe if the rest of them were together, that would be enough to change his mind. 

Will walked into the studio, a large space lined with workbenches and cork boards. Mannequins, busts, and chairs for prosthetics and monster makeup were scattered around the room. And the whole space smelled of curing latex, acrylic paint, and plasticine clay. He sat down at the spot reserved for him, that had pictures tacked up as inspiration, along with a multitude of sketches. And there on the bench was a little model, about a foot high, that he had been carving out and tweaking all week. This was the 3rd version. 

The studio was looking to create a new kind of monster. Normally, the producer or director would give some parameters of guidelines. But this one was an open book, which meant it was an audition of sorts. Will looked at his board. 

In truth, it wasn’t the monster that was terrifying. It was the world the writer built, the atmosphere the director created. The actors, who made the audience care about the characters on the screen. Even the best monster design could be undone with poor timing, shoddy lighting, or terrible acting. They were all vital components of the final product. Once the audience cared about the world, about the characters, they would become invested. Will’s mind began to ponder.

The scariest parts about everything he experienced was the fear of losing it all. Of never seeing his mom, brother, or friends again. Of being alone at the end. Nothing had been more terrifying than losing himself to the mind flayer. To feel his words and body being driven by another. The most terrifying monsters were the ones that you didn’t see. The ones that transformed characters you loved from human to monster. 

Will took pictures of his miniature model as it was. He always did before destroying it. Then, he squished the sculpted figure, wedged the clay back into a ball. From there he began the shaping of a human figure. But he arched the back, as if the body was fighting against itself. Where the spine was, legs that were like spiders but out of bone emerged. The muscle tearing at itself, reattaching to the new limbs. The most frightening monster was the one you watched yourself become.

Art was cathartic. It was how he processed everything. It was what got him through the worst parts of college. It gave him power and strength. He had control over his nightmares now. He could create them and destroy them with his own two hands.

In so many ways, coming to California saved him. He learned methods to cope with his identity, with his trauma. He was in a new place where there were less things to trigger flashbacks. The fear didn’t rule his life like it once had. There were days he questioned whether it was all even real. But, lately, he could feel himself backsliding. His nightmares were getting more vivid. They were trying to claw their way into his life here. They held on tighter so that it was harder to wake up. Sometimes, he forgot them as soon as he woke up. He'd be in a cold sweat, the fear shaking him, and he couldn't remember a thing. He was relieved that Ishaan had stayed the night. Having someone beside him seemed to keep the nightmares at bay. This week, he dreamt about the Mind Flayer, about being trapped inside his own head. He remembered sending his friends the code to close the gate. He knew what it meant. He had been resigned to it. It was a cost he had been willing to pay to ensure that the Shadow Monster would be dead for good. He woke up in tears at how willing he had been to accept his death. He cried at all the things he would have lost and felt relief to be alive. 

It was because his family managed to pull it from him. His party refused to leave him behind. 

He sculpted the man’s pained face. He hoped that if this movie got made, that they’d save the man. That the characters would be as heroic as his friends had been.  
_____________________________________

Will got off the metro, exhausted, both mentally and physically. Eight hours in a chair, bent over his desk and sculpting, did a number on his back. 

He was still listening to Sonic Youth so he didn’t hear the chatter as he reached his floor. He didn’t hear the laughter when he put the keys in the lock. He didn’t hear the voice of the man that used to make his stomach flutter. If he had, he would have prepared himself. He would have made sure to tuck his heart in his chest, instead of on his sleeve. 

But alas, he opened the door unsuspecting and the sound he made betrayed himself. It held in it all the love he felt in seeing him again.

“Mike.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been a year since I wrapped up When She Left. It was SUPPOSED to be a one shot. But… that never happens with me. -.- lol 
> 
> To my readers who have been with me since When She Left, THANK YOU SO MUCH for your patience and all your kind compliments. You are the reason that I kept writing. Every comment and kudos is appreciated from the bottom of my heart. <3333 I am so happy to share this next chapter with you! *Hugs*
> 
> To my new readers: HELLO YOU MARVELOUS HUMAN BEINGS!! Welcome to my Angst/ Hurt/ Comfort emporium. I am giving you virtual hugs as thanks! ^u^


	2. August 18th 1989

August 18th 1989

The ceiling fan swirled the summer air around. The nights were getting cooler and although it made sleeping more comfortable, it meant summer was ending, as was everything else. 

Mike lay awake, feeling the contrast between the cool wind from the fan and the warm body beside him. He wondered how much time they had left. The clock was obscured by one of their shirts on the bedside table. How many more minutes could he hold onto Will? He gently pressed his forehead against Will’s back. How was he going to do this? How were they going to go back to being alone?

Will had saved him from an all consuming darkness. He had managed to pull him out of a downward spiral. When El ran away to chase down old demons… when Mike hadn’t been able to save her, he had fallen into drinking to cope and he had been drowning himself. During that time, Will reached his hand out and held him. In so many ways, he had lifted him out of that unforgiving place in his mind. In Will’s arms, the loneliness and self-loathing thoughts were kept at bay. He was a light that Mike basked in. 

But now… that light was leaving, like a ship in the night. This would probably be the last time he could hold him like this. The last morning to wake up with him by his side. Mike drew him in closer.

Will was leaving for college. His world was going to open up beyond Hawkins. He would meet more people like him. People that were out of the closet, proud, and sure of themselves. Not confused like Mike was. Will would meet someone who didn’t need to keep him secret. Someone who would show him off, like the gem he was. So, he and Will would be going their separate ways. And, as much as it hurt, they would end things here. Will could move on and be with someone who deserved him. Mike didn’t want Will pining for someone hundreds of miles away. Will had already been hurt once by a long distance relationship, his first boyfriend. He watched Will waiting on the phone calls and then feel completely crushed when they ultimately had broken up. Mike didn’t want to be on either end of that call. 

“You could come with me…”

“No, Will. It is going to end. One way or another. It’s better for us to end it now, when things are good, when we have a choice, and still be friends. If we don’t do it now… it will just end with one of us really hurting the other.”

And as awful as Mike felt saying those things, they were true. He knew it. They depended on each other. Too much. Will was terrified at the idea of living on his own. For him, Mike moving out there with him would save him from that fear, that isolation. Mike didn’t want to admit it, but he was just as afraid. He had spent most of his life building his identity around the people in his life. He had been their leader, the Dungeon Master, the Paladin. Now, he would be Mike Wheeler, recovering alcoholic and the only one of his party left in Hawkins. 

Will had tried so many times to convince Mike to come with him. He had even tried to stay behind, to find a school in Indianapolis instead, someplace closer. But Mike hadn’t let him. He refused to let anything get in the way of Will achieving his dreams, even himself. After everything Will had gone through to get into an arts college in California, Mike wanted more than anything for Will to succeed. 

Yet, here they were, in the still, dark hours of the morning. They could only have minutes before Will’s alarm rang. Maybe a few hours before Will’s flight. Then, the separation Mike had fought so hard for would be complete. And he would be alone.

He nuzzled against Will’s back and felt the tears roll down his cheek. He tried to keep his breath steady. He didn’t want red eyes that would give him away. Will would see them and find a way to convince Mike to join him on that plane.

Mike needed to let him go. Will needed to grow past all the pain Hawkins had brought on him. He needed to meet new people, discover who he was, be proud of who he was among people like him. Mike had seen glimmers of it when he’d driven Will out to the Pride Festival in Westlake Park that summer. He had seen Will open up in another way entirely. He’d never realized how much shame he carried from being gay. How much it had weighed on him. But there, among other people like him, the weight lifted, and Will seemed lighter and more open. Mike wanted that for Will and he knew he would never have it in Hawkins. 

All the things that they shared: the kisses, the caresses, the heated moments… They were all supposed to be a placeholder. They were all parts of getting Will through the hell of this last year, through the breakup with his first and only boyfriend, June. They had been a part of getting Mike through El running away to join her sister to find Dr. Brenner. Will’s presence had helped Mike avoid drinking himself into stupors. He had tempered him, comforted him. And now, Mike realized, it wasn’t a placeholder. It never had been. It was love. It was unconditional. And he was going to lose it.

He sniffed his tears back. Will stirred in his arms, “Mike?”

No. Please, he thought, go back to sleep. 

“I’m fine, Will. Just having trouble sleeping.”

Will turned to him and brushed his fingers against Mike’s cheek, feeling the tears. “Mike…”

“It’s just from yawning, Will. I’m fine.”

It was an unconvincing lie, but Will didn’t push it. He brought his lips to Mike’s and pressed a kiss on them. Mike pulled him in and kissed deeply. Their breath was sour with sleep but Mike didn’t care. He wanted to make this morning last. He would be selfish here. He would hold him close just this last time, then he would let him go.  
____________________________

Mike and Will found little ways to close the space between them for most of the morning. Their hands intertwined beneath the breakfast table. Will’s head leaning on Mike’s shoulder as they brushed their teeth. Their fingers searching for each other in intermittent moments throughout getting ready. The touches were precious and numbered. 

Mike, Joyce, and Will loaded everything in Mike’s car. He had promised to take them to the airport. But Joyce asked for the keys, and Mike saw something in her eyes. She would have the weekend with Will in California to help him get settled. She knew what it meant to him, having the car ride. He gave them to her. They spent the trip in the back seat. Will nestled in the crook of Mike’s neck. Mike’s arm around him and his head pressed against Will’s hair. Their hands laced and thumbs grazing over each other. Mike wished the morning would slow down. He wished he could just make the summer last longer. He wanted to stop time so that he could hold Will like this forever.

But, when they got to the airport, Will’s fear took over and their hands separated. Mike saw Will put on his mask around the strangers. Contact between them would signal them as gay. It would make them the target for remarks and stares that neither of them had the strength to fight today. 

They went through the motions of getting Will and Joyce’s passes, the bags weighed and checked, and made their way to the gate. 

A voice called on the PA, announcing that they would be boarding in 30 minutes. This was it. 

Will stood up, “I should probably go to the bathroom before we board. I’ll be right back.” His eyes flicked over towards Mike and he understood. 

“I’ll come with you. I have to go, too.”

They walked into the bathroom and waited out the other person in the bathroom. Once the older man left, Will and Mike went into one of the stalls. No sooner had the door closed, Will had thrown himself into Mike’s chest, hands clutching his shirt tightly. 

“I can’t do this, Mike. I can’t.”

Mike held Will, “Why do you always short change yourself? You are so strong, one of the strongest people I know. You’ll do more than make it there: you’ll flourish.”

Will’s hands wrapped around Mike, “I don’t care about that. I just want to be with you. Please…” He lifted up his head, “Come with me. Come to California with me.”

“Will…”

“Just for the weekend. Please, Mike.”

“Will…” 

Will pleaded, “I saved up for an extra boarding pass.”

Mike held Will’s face in his hand to calm him. Brushed his thumb against his cheek. Mike had fallen in love. He didn’t know when it had happened but it was undeniable. 

And it hurt him so much to say, “No, Will.” His voice cracked and he broke down. “It has to be here, Will. If I come with you…” I won’t want to leave… “I would have to leave you there. It’s better that it ends here. So that it’s like you’re going off on a grand adventure.”

Will leaned his head and shook it on Mike’s chest. The door opened and they held their breath, not moving. They waited like that until they were alone again. 

Will relaxed against him. “It doesn’t feel like an adventure. It feels like I’m leaving you behind.”

“You aren’t. I’ll be okay.”

Will lifted his head. “What will you do here?” 

Mike hadn’t gained back his ambition for college after El left. He had signed up for community college, but he still felt aimless. 

“I’ll help get Hopper back on his feet.” It was the only goal that he strove for, getting Hopper sober again. Will had helped Mike and he wanted to pay it forward. 

“Are you going to spend your life waiting for her?” Will practically spat the words. “You just going to play the martyr? You need to live for yourself, Mike.”

He winced and bit back the temptation to fight back. He didn’t want to argue, to waste these precious moments. “I’m working my way to that, Will. I promise I am.”

Will collapsed in his arms, sobbing into his chest. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t, Will.”

“You said that we have to end it.”

It had been a decision he’d made a while ago, that when Will left, they would stop what they’d once called an arrangement, but became something so much more. He’d rationalized it a hundred times, reasoned that it would be best for them both. But now it was here and he didn’t want it to end. 

“Only some things. I can’t kiss you from a thousand miles away.”

Will looked up, “Can we still say it?”

Mike answered, “Yes.” He held the back of Will’s head, entangling his fingers in his hair, “I love you, now.” He pulled Will in and kissed him.

“I love you now,” Will kissed the corner of his mouth. “And now,” he kissed Mike’s jawline. “And now,” he kissed Mike’s nose. He had to stand on his toes to do that.

It made Mike smile, through his tears, that were flowing freely now. 

He heard the echoes of the PA system and they both held each other tightly one last time.   
_______________________________

Mike watched Will walk through the gate. He forced a smile as he waved. This was Will succeeding. This was Will getting closer to his dream. He needed to be happy about that. He could be selfish and cry later. Will smiled back, but immediately wiped his eyes. He handed the woman his boarding pass and looked over his shoulder one more time before disappearing through the gate.


	3. October 28th, 1993

Will felt completely exposed. He just stood there breathless, staring, with his heart pounding a mile a minute. 

Mike stood up from the couch, with that big beautiful smile. Before Will could pick his jaw off the floor, Mike was over to him in a few strides and had wrapped his long arms around him in a hug. Will was trying to process it all, but thoughts, sensations, and memories were crashing like waves against the shore and he could barely keep up. 

His senses taking in all the familiar and new with Mike. How there seemed to be a place that Will just instinctively locked into in the embrace. The secure pressure of his arms wrapped around, the scent of some new cologne or deodorant that combined with the familiar smell of Mike that he could never quite pinpoint. There was the feeling of being small in his arms, and an onslaught of memories that beckoned. Will knew he’d lose himself in them if he dwelled but there would be time for that later. It just felt so good to be held by Mike again. 

“Hey, Will.”

Will’s mind commanded, ‘Say something!’ He needed to recover so that he didn’t look like some lovesick puppy. But he was still taking everything in. He had only seen Mike a handful of times since leaving for college. He wasn’t used to how wide his shoulders were or how soft he’d gotten. Since 7th grade, Mike had been a beanpole, tall, bony. But now, all his edges were softened. He even had a bit of a belly. Will’s arms wrapped around Mike and felt… hair? Mike had a ponytail. 

“Hey, hippie.” He pulled back from the hug. There were curls in the front of his face that were still too short to reach but it was plain as day: he had a ponytail. Will chuckled, “Since when did you decide to do a ponytail?”

“Since the last time the barber hacked off my hair.”

Will laughed, “You mean that buzz cut? That was two years ago!”

“Yep.” He took the hair in hand and flopped it so that it rested on his shoulder. It was a little past his shoulder. “This stuff grows like weeds.”

“Well, I’m still betting you’ll be the first to go bald.”

Mike held his hands up. “Don’t curse me like that, Will.”

“Sorry, but only models can have hair this perfect without paying for it later.” He hadn’t meant to, but he touched Mike’s hair as he said it. This would have been fine if he had just played it off. But, when he realized where his hand was, he drew it back so hard he hit himself in the chest. 

Will thought, ‘Oh dear, God. Could you be any more obvious, Will Byers?’

And there it was, beneath the familiarity and laughter of friends, all the intimacy that had come during that time. The memory of being someone else’s other half was still ingrained in his every motion. The pathways in his brain had been carved out with each touch and a wall had come down. It could only be held up with conscious effort. 

The motion was not lost on Mike and there was a recognition that crossed his face. But Mike smiled. Was it sympathetic, guilty, or just awkward? Will couldn’t tell. He mentally scolded his cheeks, trying to forbid them from blushing. But he could feel the heat rising. He hated being such an open book.

Mike broke the silence, “You always work on Sundays? Busy life on the prop scene?”

Will felt instant relief. Work was a safe topic. “It has peaks and troughs. Right now, I’m working on a bit of a passion project, making a monster.”

“Wait! Holy shit, like for a movie? What one??”

“It’s not for a movie, per say. It’s more like a talent scouting thing.”

Dustin interjected, “He couldn’t tell us, even if it was for one.”

Mike turned, “So you don’t badger him for info, then. Right, Dustin?”

“Uhh. Do you even know me, Mike? Of course, I do! He’s got to crack at some point.”

Will watched the way Mike’s eyes crinkled with those familiar laugh lines. And without even trying, Mike had made Will fall for him all over again. A part of him wanted to fight it, to just be happy with being friends. He wanted to save himself from the hurt that would follow. But this love was a familiar and warm embrace. It woke him up from the pain of that morning’s rejection. It was hope. 

Mike was here for the first time in years. He was within reach again. He was gorgeous and smiling. But why was he there? What brought him out to Burbank after so long?

“When did you get in?”

“I think my plane landed at… 3?”

Dustin added, “Yeah. About then.”

“Feeling any jet lag?”

“For that crazy three hour difference?” He laughed. “It’ll probably just feel like a long day. I’m hoping that I can power through until 10.”

“Sounds like a late night for you, old man.”

Mike smirked, playfully, “Listen, just because you are some cool Hollywood cat now,” he poked Will in the stomach. Today of all days, he was wearing his crop top. And the contact was direct, skin on skin, Mike’s fingertips in his stomach for the briefest of seconds. Will felt his heart leap inside him. Mike did a double take looking at his mid drift, which had clear muscle tone. “And apparently working out?” Mike was astounded.

Will flustered, waving his arms, “I’m not like a musclehead, or anything! It’s just a thing I do with my friends from work.”

Dustin leered, “Don’t listen to him, Mike. It’s ‘cause he’s single and trying to bring home a beefcake.”

Will’s head snapped to Dustin. He was getting redder by the minute, “What the fuck, Dustin? BEEFcake?”

“Listen, you can’t bring home gorgeous men and me not talk about it. Seriously, Mike, these guys are all 10’s.” He winked. 

Will was staring daggers at him, “I am never making you breakfast again.”

“WAIT! No!” He stretched his arm out, “I’m sorry!! I take it back.”

“Too late. It’s Captain Crunch for you from now on.” 

Dustin groaned, and flopped over the couch, defeated. Will’s eyes flicked over to Mike and saw him suddenly self-conscious. 

Mike caught his gaze and said, somewhat sheepishly, “I can’t say I’m really surprised, though. You're a catch, Will.” There was a sadness in it. As if Will was out of reach. As if he had been the one that got away. 

The sincerity of it left Will speechless. Was he misinterpreting it? He wanted to let him know that the door hadn’t closed, but he didn’t want to be wrong and make things awkward. He’d clear the air later, when Dustin wasn’t there to watch. He couldn’t look at Mike’s face now.

He tugged the longer side of his hair behind his ear. A useless and nervous gesture, as the hair went right back in his face. “It’s not- I’m not-” He stopped himself. Take the compliment, he told himself. “Umm… thanks.”

Will saw Dustin smirking. Was he trying to play cupid? Will was going to chew him out the second he was alone. This was not something to play with. 

Will desperately wanted to change the subject, “So, how are we going to show him the best California has to offer?”

“How about Gauman’s?”

Will shrugged, “Sounds good. What do you think, Mike?”

“That’s the place the Oscar’s are filmed at, right?” Mike asked.

“The very same. But, when there’s no Oscars or premiers it’s just a regular theater,” said Dustin. 

Mike nodded. “Sounds awesome.” Will smiled seeing the childlike excitement on Mike’s face, the kind he used to get before a much anticipated movie or comic release. Will felt flutters and wondered if he would be coming down off of cloud nine anytime soon.

“Cool,” Will said. “I’ll go get dressed.” He needed to sort out everything going on inside his head.

Mike looked down at his own clothes, “Do we need to dress fancy or something?”

“Well, not exactly. You’re fine. But cut offs aren’t exactly something I wanna wear there.” He gestured at his own clothes. 

Mike’s eyes flicked down and immediately looked away, his face beat red. “Oh. Yeah, of course.”

Will blushed. Holy fuck. They were both absolute disasters right now. He walked down the hallway to his room and flopped on the bed. Breathe. Why had Mike gotten so flustered? Why had he looked down? He could feel his stomach flipping at the suggestion in the question. 

He had to calm down. But everything inside him felt like an amusement park, spinning, and jumping. How in the hell was he supposed to keep himself together? He had to wait until Mike was alone. It would be better to get it all out, clear the air. But what in the hell was he even supposed to say?

‘Hi, Mike! Nice to see you, by the way, I’m still in love with you. Is this a mutual thing? Or should I have gotten over all this years ago?’

He put the pillow over his head and groaned. He could get through this. At the very least, they would be in a theater. It was a familiar space, where they could forget everything else and just be the Party again, picking apart movies. Unravelling cinematography, digging up meaning, and concocting theories and Will could collect himself.   
______________________________

They bought tickets for Return of the Living Dead 3. It was one of those gritty B rated movies that the party had always loved tearing to shreds. After they gave Mike the unofficial tour around the handprints, they went inside and paid for their tickets. They were making their way past the various displays of movie props and costumes encased in glass when Will’s eye caught sight of something. He turned so fast he nearly got whiplash and made his way over to the case. Inside, there was a set up for Halloween: a town of monsters, each with unique and incredible designs. The setting looked like an ink drawing come to life, complete with the texture of hatching lines on the ground. This parade of characters was led by a charming skeleton in a Santa suit and a girl that looked like a cross between a rag doll and Frankenstein. He read the plaque beside it: The Nightmare Before Christmas.

“Don’t drool on the case, Will.” Dustin teased. 

Mike came over, “What is it?”

“These are the stop motion puppets from the movie,” Will answered. He couldn’t take his eyes off the figures.

“Oh, Stop motion! Like the special effects for the older Hollywood films?” Mike asked.

“Or like Rudolph,” Dustin added.

Will stared, “It’s like a cross between the two. It’s completely embracing the horror aspect of the medium and combining it with the whole Christmas movie tradition.” He couldn’t get over the character designs, the idea behind it. The premise intrigued him and he desperately wanted to watch it.

“Should we see that one instead?” Mike suggested.

Will turned, “No! No. I’ll definitely have to come back to watch it though.”

Dustin leaned in, “We have to go see that movie with him, Mike. He’s gonna totally flip shit the whole time.”

Mike crossed his arms like he was studying Will, “You think like Labyrinth level freak out?”

“Hard to say,” Dustin retorted.

Will shook his head, “Nothing will be Labyrinth level freak out. That was a once in a lifetime movie. A high fantasy setting with elaborate backdrops and the most insane special effects featuring David Bowie as the Goblin King, himself.”

Dustin smirked, “Not to mention those pants.”

Will stood up, “Why does everyone always bring up the pants?” 

“Because it was an enlightening experience. I finally understood what you see in men. And now I know with certainty that if Bowie were to ever ask I’d- OW!”

Will punched Dustin’s arm. “You’re not gonna finish that statement.”

Mike chimed in, “You know better than to speak blasphemy against The Thin White Duke around Will.”

Dustin played it up, soothing his wounded arm. “Aw, come on, Will. I didn’t mean it, I know you get first dibs.”

“How kind.”

They laughed as they went into the theatre together.   
_________________________________________________

It was a tradition of theirs that following a movie showing, they would stand around the lobby and dissect it. However, since the theatre was getting crowded, Will suggested they relocate to the nearby diner. They began picking it apart in the car, shouting over one another the most grotesque or ridiculous parts. Will had the edge in these conversations now, because he could usually determine what exactly they used for certain effects. The guys enjoyed hearing Will’s insight into the behind the scenes techniques. Once they got in the diner and got their seats, the conversation quieted a bit and their ruminations became more well thought out. They cited different camera angles, acting, and plot points. It felt like old times. 

After they ordered their food, Will asked, “So, Mike, how long are you in town for?” 

“I’m staying for the week.”

Will almost dropped the fork he’d been messing with, “The whole week?!”

“Yeah, I have some vacation time that the boss told me I needed to use before December.”

“You didn’t want to save that for Christmas vacation?”

“Nah. A lot of families take that time off. School, you know?”

“That’s cool of you.”

Mike shrugged, “It’s just the decent thing, you know? El doesn’t really care about the holidays too much so I can be flexible.”

And a cloud swept over Mike’s face. Something he hadn’t wanted to bring up. Someone he didn’t want to mention. And Will could see him brace for the question.

Dustin asked, “How-?” He felt clumsy. “How is she doing?”

“She’s okay. She has her good days and her bad. I told you she lives with me now, right?”

Dustin nodded. 

“That day I got my hair buzzed? Bad day.” He laughed it off, “I don’t think she recognized me for two weeks. The worst part? I actually bought a wig.”

Dustin nearly spit out his drink, “You what?” 

Will laughed. “You didn’t!”

“Oh yeah. My first toupee. Looked like a fucking mop.”

Will joked, “Oh, please tell me you still have it. I’d pay money to see that.” 

“No way. It’s haunting some thrift store now.”

Will shivered. “The worst thing to find there.”

Mike chuckled. He asked, “So, when is Lucas getting here?”

Will perked up, “What??”

Dustin suddenly looked awkward.

Mike turned, “Shit. Was that supposed to be a surprise? I thought he already knew.”

“No, it’s okay. Recover it! Surprise, Will!! Lucas will be here tomorrow!”

The smile on Will’s face could have lit up the city. He couldn’t contain his joy. His friends would be back together for the first time in so long. He didn’t see the way Mike was looking at him, the content smile and the eyes that just couldn’t get enough of Will’s warm glow. 

Dustin was beaming, “Max will be picking him up and they’ll be staying at a hotel nearby.”

Will couldn’t believe it. “Dustin, did you put this all together?”

His friend got a little bashful and tried to shrug it off. “I mean… I just made a few calls. Lucas told me he’d be home in time for Halloween and I thought it was the perfect opportunity for a reunion.” 

And then, something sank inside Will. Halloween. It had been ten years... Was that why Dustin was doing this? He coached himself, ‘Stop. Stop. Stop. Just enjoy this.’

He smiled. “It’ll be so good to see them again.”

The change wasn’t immediately visible to the guys. 

Mike suddenly got excited, “Are we going to have a Halloween party or something to celebrate?”

Dustin answered giddy, “Oh, hell yeah! I mean we have the monster maker himself here!” He clapped Will on the back.

It shook Will out of his head. He saw how excited they were. Maybe this whole thing was orchestrated out of concern for Will, the thought of it stung his pride a bit. But then again, maybe it was the only way to get everyone together. The last time they had all been together had been when Hopper found El… She had been broken, disoriented, and wandering around New York City. The reunion had been one of grieving, trying to heal, and being there for Mike. 

That was what going their separate ways had meant- only seeing each other for the big things: weddings and funerals so to speak. So, Will watched Mike and Dustin talking animatedly and let himself get caught up in it, too. 

“As much as I’d like to bring the studio stuff home, I don’t think I could get it past Anderson. They get extra uptight at the shop with props and stuff around Halloween. Everyone wants to borrow stuff for their own parties. But I might be able to whip up something homemade.”

Dustin bragged to Mike, “It’s too bad you won’t get to see The Werehouse, Mike. It’s like a cinephile's wet dream. They have a full on werewolf! Fur and everything!”

Will asked, “Why wouldn’t he be able to go?”

“Because visitors are banned.”

“No, you are banned.”

“What do you mean, ‘I’m banned’???”

“You were touching literally everything!”

“And that was enough to get me banned?”

“You gave Scottie such agita, I thought she was going to have an aneurysm. Do you not remember her following you around, asking you to put things down?”

Dustin grimaced, “I got a little caught up. It was a lot to take in.”

Mike asked, “So, does this mean I get to go?”

The idea of showing Mike his work space was elating to Will. There was that familiar feeling that Will had everytime he handed Mike his sketchbook or a new drawing. The hope of approval and praise for his art. 

Will eagerly nodded, “Just don’t touch anything.” 

Mike smirked at Dustin, who groaned, “That is SO not fair!”

“Sorry, Dustin.” Mike shrugged as he scooted out of the booth.

Dustin pouted, “Are you, though?”

“Well, not really that sorry.” He laughed, “I’ll be right back.” Mike excused himself to the bathroom. 

Once he was out of earshot, Will looked over at Dustin. 

He didn’t want to ruin the moment but he had to ask. “Is there a particular reason you got us all together?”

“Because Lucas is coming home.”

“He was home a year ago. We didn’t get together then.”

Dustin’s shoulders sank and he started fidgeting with his napkin. “You said it yourself. It’s been too long. It was an excuse for us to get together. And… well, it has been 10 years...”

“You say it like it’s some kind of anniversary.”

“I mean, it kind of is. You making it out of all that alive is something to celebrate.” Dustin said it genuinely, his heart in his words, “We watched what we thought was you, pulled from the quarry. We listened to you calling out for help. It affected all of us, Will.”

Will suddenly felt selfish. He’d seen this whole thing as some kind of elaborate pity party, but he hadn’t been the only one to suffer. He hadn’t been the only one to face that thing.

But a question still nagged at him, “Did you tell anyone… about the nightmares?”

Dustin tightened and looked guilty. “Just Mike… he….”

“Dustin you promised!”

“I know. I know. But I was worried, Will! I didn’t know what to do.”

“There is nothing for you to do. It’s something that I’m handling.”

His friend looked at him, anger tempered in his brow, “They’ve gotten worse. Don’t tell me they haven’t.”

Will’s fingers dug into his knees, his knuckles turning white. He felt humiliated. It was true. They had been getting worse. It wasn’t so bad when he had someone sleeping next to him, but on the nights he was alone? There was a 50/50 shot at waking up in a cold sweat. A few weeks ago, he had woken up with a yell in his throat and Dustin’s panicked face above him, trying to shake him awake. 

‘Please… don’t tell anyone, Dustin. Please…”

But of course he did. 

“Will, you don’t say when things aren’t okay. You shoulder them until something breaks. So, I made a judgement call. I didn’t want you to go through it this year alone. I wanted you to know that you have us. That we’re here.”

Will put his head in his hands, “But why did you have to tell Mike?”

“Because I didn’t know how to help. And it’s damn near impossible to get him out of Hawkins these days. But he’ll do it for you.”

His insides did a somersault. “That’s another thing, Dustin.”

“What?”

“Please, stop playing cupid with me and Mike.”

He was quiet, mumbling, “I wasn’t trying to before, at the house. I was just messing around.”

“I know but the jokes were hitting a little too close. There’s a lot of stuff I don’t want to dig up. It’s complicated between us and we need to figure that out ourselves.”

Dustin looked like a puppy getting scolded, “I gotcha. Sorry.”

Will added, “And, I swear to God if I ever hear the word ‘beefcake’ from out of your mouth, I am mailing your nudie mags to your mom.”

His eyes got wide, “You wouldn’t!”

Will rested his chin on his hands, “You really want to gamble on that?”

He held up his hands, “Fine. It is stricken from my vocabulary forever.”

Mike was making his way back over and Will tried to tuck everything back inside. Mike slid back into the booth. He pulled a small notepad from his back pocket and put it on the table. 

“Okay. So what are we doing for costumes?”

And Will laughed. All of a sudden, the years melted away. He remembered how Mike would spend the remaining days of summer planning out their Halloween costumes, their trick or treat routes. The jubilant energy of new ideas spreading across his face, the excitement in his voice. It all came back. This time was precious. Their lives would undoubtedly fall back into their pattern before long. Lucas and Max would likely move back by her job in Silicon Valley. Mike would go back to Hawkins. Back to El. So, Will needed to hold onto every moment and make them last.


	4. Fall Semester 1989

Fall Semester 1989

August 18th 1989

Mike’s eyes stung as he made his way back from the airport. He turned down familiar roads. He thought he was driving back to his house but then, he ended up on Mirkwood. He pulled over and rested his head on the steering wheel. He didn’t want to go back home. He didn’t want to sit in that house with his parents, who wouldn’t understand why he was crying so much. He couldn’t explain it to them. He didn’t want to face it. But he so desperately wanted to talk about it. 

Lucas, Max, and Dustin were still getting settled in their dorms. He would talk about it with them, but there was no way to reach them now. The dorms’ only lines were shared pay phones, meaning they had to call him. He felt like he was unraveling. He just wanted to go someplace he could talk about it… or else he risked slipping into old habits. 

A thought dawned on him and he turned the ignition, waking the engine again. He drove towards Indianapolis. 

_____________________

Mike stood at the front door, he remembered how nervous Will had been the first time. Coming to group had been such a good thing for Will. He opened up and could talk about things he had bottled up, questions, thoughts, and topics that had been forbidden in most every other place. The Indiana Youth Group had provided a safe space for Will and other queer teens to come together to talk and hang out. Mike had driven Will countless times: sometimes for meetings, sometimes for events the group had arranged. Mike didn’t always stay for them, though. He knew that group was one of the few places Will could talk about their relationship. Mostly, he would just drop Will off, especially towards the end.

Mike couldn’t seem to move. Doubt froze him to the stoop. His fingers hovered over the doorbell.. He wondered if he had any right to be there. He was straight… just also in love with his best friend. He was confused. What right did he have to be there? But then, the door swung in and Chris Gonzalez stood in the frame; the man who ran the group, organized the meetings, opened up his home to lost teens. His face was nearly always accompanied by a kind smile, like the one he was giving Mike.

“It’s good to see you again, Mike. Come on in.” 

Mike nodded, “Nice to see you, too.” He followed behind him, still feeling awkward but thankful for the invite, it made him feel a little less like an outsider. 

Everybody was putting food on their plates and sitting down. Mike knew he should probably eat, but his stomach was so tight and gnawing on itself. He just grabbed a roll and picked at it. What was he even going to say? 

“Mike!” 

He turned to see Aubrey. She didn’t give him a moment and wrapped him up in a hug. 

“Aubrey! How have you been?”

She had changed her hair to be in box braids with beads of every color, paired with bright neon shirt that read: “We are Everywhere.”

She let go, her smile shining. “Really good! I haven’t seen you since the picnic! How have you been?”

“Good. You did an incredible job organizing it. I can’t believe how many people were there!”

She beamed, “I only organized the student chapter.”

“Well, it was a lot of fun.” 

“Thank you. Do you want to get a seat together?”

“Sure.” He felt such a wave of relief at not having to sit alone. 

As everybody sat down, Chris and his partner, Jeff, started out the meeting the way they always did, emphasizing the importance of confidentiality and sensitivity with the information, experiences, and stories shared in the space. Mike listened as people began to share. The knot in his stomach tightened and he felt like an invader. Like a whiny child, craving attention, taking it away from people who had experienced far worse. Someone who had been kicked out of their house and were living with a friend. Another who couldn’t seem to break the cycle of abuse in their relationships. 

What right did he have to be there?

“Mike, do you want to share?”

Mike nodded, “Umm… I… some of you probably don’t know me, but I’m Will’s friend. I just dropped him off at the airport. He’s going to college in San Francisco.” He looked around the room and suddenly felt his courage flee. “I just wanted you guys to know how grateful I am for everything you’ve done for Will. He’s been my friend for most of my life and he’s always been pretty shy around other people so I was nervous about him being out in California but he really opened up with you guys and it… it’s just a huge relief. So, thank you.”

“It was wonderful having him here, and it’s good to see you here, too. But you know you’re welcome here just as much, don't you?” Chris smiled.

Mike shook his head, “I…” His thoughts accused and raced around him, ‘I am a leech.’ ‘I don’t belong here.’ ‘I just would take up space.’

“Mike, if there is something else you want to talk about, it’s okay.”

How much had Will told them? Did they know about their relationship? Did they think he was just an asshole who used Will as a rebound? He blinked hard.

He was trying so hard to keep it in but it was bursting forth. He held his arm over his face. 

He tried to breathe but a sob came out instead. “I didn’t want him to go.” He felt Aubrey’s hand on his. “I mean I want him to be happy. I want him to get the job of his dreams…” Then, it was like he’d opened the floodgates and everything came pouring out. “I was such a selfish prick. The whole time. We… I know he probably told you guys but… Will and I used to.... We kissed.” And slept together and held each other. Mike confessed, feeling shame in his cheeks, “I made it out like it was some kind of placeholder. I knew it was temporary. That I wouldn’t go with him to California. So I didn’t want to give it a name. I didn’t want to say what it actually was. I don’t think I’m gay because I loved girls for most of my life. I don’t know why I made an exception for him. I don’t know how I can stop feeling this. I don’t know how to let him go.” He folded in on himself. He felt embarrassed for laying himself bare like this, but it felt so good to say it. “And I know I need to let him go, because… he’s gonna find someone else there-” and then he couldn’t talk anymore. Aubrey had her hand on his back and he felt so weak. 

He heard Aubrey, “It’s okay, Mike. For what it’s worth, I think you were an amazing boyfriend to Will, even if you didn’t call it that. You’re a good friend to him.”

“I used him,” Mike whispered.

Elaine spoke from across the room. She was transitioning to female. In the time since Mike’s last visit, her hair had grown longer, and it was more stylized. She seemed healthier, and he could hear her voice was changing, too. “I don’t think you used him, Mike. You brought him here, drove him to the airport, actively encouraged him to go out there. None of that comes from someone that uses their partner.”

Chris spoke in a tone that was quiet but comforting, “Mike, the pain you are feeling right now is a kind of grief. You are right to feel like something is ending because, in a lot of ways, your relationship with Will is going to change. But that is not a bad thing. You have such a strong foundation of friendship that I don’t think a thousand miles could break that.”

Mike wiped his eyes. They stung so much from the day’s tears. A boy from on the other side of Mike handed him a box of tissues. 

Jeff offered, “And it isn’t just one or the other. Being straight or gay. There is a large spectrum of sexuality that I think we are only beginning to scratch the surface of. There are people that are attracted to one sex, both, or none at all.” He asked, “Have you told Will about this? About how you feel?”

Mike shook his head. “Not really, but won’t it hurt him more to tell him now that we’re miles apart?”

Jeff answered, “I think communication is the most important thing in any relationship and will get you through most things life has to throw at you. Burying it, hiding your feelings, hurts more in the end.”

It had felt so good and cathartic to talk with them, to let out something he’d been holding in for what felt like forever. But their advice, while comforting, was so much harder to follow when Will was actually on the phone. 

For the first month Will was at college, Mike was like a lifeline for him. Will called nearly every other day. He knew Will depended on his voice to get through all the newness of the place. Of having a roommate who didn’t understand why Will woke up in a panic at least once a week. Of feeling overwhelmed with the load of work. Not because the amount was especially heavy but because Will felt like nothing he made was good enough. He was alongside people that went to high schools devoted to the arts or had been enrolled in courses since elementary school. Mike imagined himself a lighthouse in a storm for Will. And, if he was being honest with himself, he craved it. It felt good to be needed. 

And so it was easier to prioritize Will’s problems, to minimize his own and not talk about his confusion. And the longer he waited to tell Will, the more it felt awkward. He was building up a wall. He knew what he was doing, he just didn’t know how to stop. Was this why it took Will so long to come out?

As the month went on, though, Will called less. He had begun to find people in San Francisco. The presence of the gay community was so open there. For the first time, he saw drag queens out walking the city strips. The Castro district became his sanctuary and he even found some people that went to his college. Will found ways to distract himself outside of Mike.

He could feel Will pulling away. He was opening up. He didn’t need him as much and suddenly, confessing wasn’t such a scary thing, it might be a way to keep Will close. But thinking like that felt so selfish. His reason felt so selfish. 

He hadn’t been going to say anything but found himself slip one day. “What do you think about bi people?”

Will seemed surprised, “What do you mean?”

Mike could feel his palms sweating as he held the receiver. He’d overheard conversations from some of the gay guys in group. 

‘I don’t understand how anyone could date someone bisexual. What if he just decided he liked girls better after all? No thanks.’ ‘I got enough problems finding a guy who can commit to a relationship. I don’t need one who can’t even pick a gender.’

Mike stumbled, “Just um… if you know anyone that is… if you think they’re just faking it… I dunno…”

Will was quiet for a second. “June used to say something like that. That bi guys are just gay guys that are too cowardly to admit to it. But I think that’s bull. Bowie is bi and he’s one of the bravest people I know.”

Mike exclaimed, “Where did you hear that Bowie is bi?!”

“One of my friends in group has been religiously recording Bowie interviews for ages. In one of them the interviewer asked if he was bisexual and he was just like, ‘I am.’ The interviewer was like, ’Yeah, but are you really?’ And he just told her, ‘I’ve answered the question.’” Will laughed, “There’s a reason he’s an icon.”

Mike couldn’t find the words. Somebody that felt so close, someone that was in his box of records, was bisexual and he never knew. Nobody talked about it.

Will continued, “I can’t pretend that I understand what it’s like. For me, I never liked girls. So I can’t imagine what it’s like being bi, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist or that their experiences are invalid, you know?”

Mike nodded, and barely spoke out an audible, “Yeah.” He felt relieved but didn’t know how to get the next part out. “I- Will? I... I loved El. But everything with you… none of it was pretend.” 

“I never felt like it was.” And Mike could hear it. There was a way Will communicated sometimes. His heart would be in his throat and he could say so much with so little. 

Mike laid his head back on the pillow, it was barely audible, “It’s still there… I love you.” There was a moment of fear, that he would hold Will back, that he was trying to keep a bird in a cage but then, without a moment’s hesitation- 

“I love you, Mike.” He could hear it as full as the day in the airport. 

Mike felt his heart swell. There was a heaviness, a weight. It was something that they always said, but this time it was different. This time it felt binding. There was no ‘now’ at the end. Nothing to tie it to the moment. It was something that would stretch out for forever, or for as long as Mike could foresee it. And though Mike was afraid, although he still wasn’t sure if he even believed in forever, he wanted to believe in it with every fiber of his being.

His doubt was kept at bay for the moment. But only for that moment...


	5. October 29th 1993

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been long overdue. It feels so good to write again. I kept tweaking and redoing parts of this chapter but I am overall really happy with it. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!

October 29th 1993

Will jolted awake, drenched in a cold sweat. The dream was forgotten as soon as he woke, but the fear lingered like smoke. The way his heart was pounding he knew enough to tell it had been a nightmare of the mind flayer sort. Running… that was all he could remember. The air seemed denser and harder to breathe. He had to concentrate on each breath. His body didn’t feel like his own, it felt like a puppet he was trying to command. And a new sensation prickled at his spine: Cold.

He froze, straining his ears for a sound, anything that resembled the guttural, animal sounds of the demon who had haunted his nights for the past 10 years. He heard something out in the living room. 

Mike. He was sleeping on the couch. He would be able to shake Will out of this in-between state. He’d go out, see Mike, and reality would set in again. 

He opened the door quietly, or at least, he opened it slowly. He couldn’t hear much over the pounding in his ears and the gnawing sounds that he knew was just the remains of the night terror. It was just the normal sounds of the fan blades spinning mixed with all the chattering noise of the city. They would be familiar again once he’d shaken off the lingering fears. They would stop sounding like the chewing of flesh. 

He couldn’t trust his senses. He just had to speak to someone who could shake him out of it. He didn’t feel embarrassment in that moment, he could feel nothing else but the fear and cold. He walked down the hallway. He could see the back of the couch and Mike’s shadow as he moved. Will was trying to make it out in the dark. Mike must have unplugged the night light in the hallway. Will could only see by what the street lights illuminated from the window. 

It looked like Mike’s back was arched. Will’s stomach dropped as he saw the taut gray skin stretched over sinew. The sounds of chewing. He stepped on a board and the creak drew the attention of the demogorgon, who looked at him with its blood stained rows of teeth and screeched.

Will gasped and opened his eyes. He was still in his room, he could breathe again. He took in every sense he could: the smell of his sweat soaked sheets, the wind on his skin as the fan circulated the air, the click of the clock as the numbers flipped from 4:49 to 4:50, the warm glow from the night light in his room. He whipped off the sheets and took in breath after breath, trying to slow them down, to hold onto the air in his lungs and stave off hyperventilation. With every sense, he distanced himself from the sensories of the dream. Upon waking, he’d realized how many of these things had been missing from the dream but… it all felt so real. 

He put his head in his hands and sobbed. His brain had played with the cruelest of scenarios… losing Mike. He had to see. He knew it had been a dream but he had to see Mike and make sure he was still there. 

He opened his door without caring for the sound now. He didn’t want to play into the fear. He listened to each step echo as he padded his way into the living room. He got to the couch and looked over to see Mike sleeping soundly. His long curls scattered across the pillow, the gentle breeze of air through his lips. 

Will clutched his chest, his heart was still thumping against the inside of his rib cage. Slow breaths. Come back down, he coached himself. Mike was okay. He was sleeping peacefully, untouched. 

His own mind had betrayed him. To have twisted reality into such a cruel form. To let him think he was dead...

Would it do this to him every night that Mike was here? 

There was a stirring on the couch and Will wiped his eyes. Mike had turned to lie on his back. Will watched Mike’s chest rise and fall. He knew he shouldn’t be out here, hovering over Mike. God forbid he woke up and saw him. He’d think Will was a creep, or Will would have to tell him his dream. Both were equally awful scenarios. So, he turned back towards his room to wait for daylight, knowing there was no way he’d be able to sleep. 

As he made his way to the hall, his foot caught the strap of Mike’s backpack and nearly toppled him over. 

“Fuck!” He hissed, catching himself.

“Will?” Came that beautiful, groggy voice. He remembered a time, however brief, when it had been the first sound he heard in the morning. 

“Sorry… I just came out for some water.” He didn’t look back. 

“Are you okay?” Mike sat up on the couch, dazed and concerned.

“Y-yeah.” And Will heard his voice waver. It gave him away. He turned to Mike, he’d have to face him after a failed attempt like that. He faked a smile and gave a thumbs up. Another pathetic attempt, he chided himself. 

He could see the worry in Mike’s brow, in those big brown eyes. He wordlessly pleaded Will not to go. 

Will hesitated and Mike took the opportunity, “Can you show me how to work the TV? I kind of like to have background noise while I sleep.”

Will knew what it was. Mike was coaxing him to the couch, bringing him in, the way he used to after an episode. Mike had learned over the years not to expect an honest answer from the question, ‘Are you okay?’ 

Will made his way over, “What? You aren’t lulled to sleep by the serene sounds of the city?” Will played it off with sarcasm but he was still shaken. He grabbed the remotes. “This one is for the TV and this one is for the VCR. We don’t have a lot of channels but I can get out a movie if you want.”

“Just the TV’s fine.”

Will turned it on. There were lions stalking in tall grass. National Geographic. 

Mike said, “This is good.”

Will nodded, and forced a smile. “Remind you of home?”

“Oh, yeah. The wilderness of Indiana.”

Mike reached over Will’s hand and took the remote, their fingers touched for a moment. Nothing felt more tempting in the whole world. To just take Mike’s hand, to fall into him, to lose himself in those arms. But knowing now why Mike was there, he couldn’t. He had wanted to tell Mike; to be upfront about his feelings, but how could he? Mike, Lucas, and Max were all coming out of concern for Will, to wait out the anniversary. He didn’t want to put Mike in a position of having to turn him down. 

Still, Will was weak and wishing for comfort. He ought to leave. He had been about to get up when he saw the lion tear at the flesh of a gazelle and he jerked his head away. The image of blood dripping from the demon’s mouth was still fresh from the dream. Mike changed the channel quickly. Will put his head in his hands. So much for playing it off.

Mike’s hand was on his arm. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. But you don’t have to pretend either.”

Will couldn’t look at him. “Dustin told you.”

“About the night terrors? Yeah, he did.”

“What did he say?”

“Not much. Just that they were coming back.”

“That’s it?” Will brought his hands down and searched Mike’s face for the truth.

“Yeah. I swear, Will. I was worried and kept asking him what was up but he said that if I wanted to know… I could come here, and ask you myself.”

Will looked ahead and nodded. Dustin really was a good friend.

Mike said, “I’m sorry I haven’t been here.”

“What are you talking about? We talk on the phone all the time.”

“But I’m not here.”

Will shrugged, “You’re here when it matters.”

Will didn’t say it in so many words, but Mike knew what he’d meant. The last time he’d come to California had been for June’s funeral. Will and June hadn’t dated since high school there but they had still been close. Will took care of him at the end. When it was all hospital visits, talking with nurses, and a long goodbye that stretched over days. After his death, Will’s grief had pulled a fog over those days and they all seemed to blur together. But Mike had been there for him, like a lighthouse in a storm. 

Mike’s voice was soft, “Do you want to talk about what you saw?”

Will shook his head, “Not really…”

“Okay. Do you want to watch something out here for a bit?”

“I don’t want to keep you up.”

“You won’t. Look.” He plopped his head down on Will’s shoulder and slumped over, “I’m already asleep.” 

Will could feel his senses ignite under the touch with an all too pleasant warmth. It was a welcome feeling that shook away the memory of the all encompassing cold from his dream. He wondered if Mike was doing it on purpose. If he knew how the touch was sweeping away the terror.

He playfully smooshed his hand into Mike’s face, “Oh yeah? Fast asleep, right?’

Mike laughed and sat up. He flicked through the few channels between the static noise. The gray crackle alerting them when he’d reached the last channel. In the early hours, the only things that seemed to be on were infomercials and televangelists. Mike avoided the National Geographic channel and as he was flicking back, he heard the familiar notes, ‘-beautiful day in the neighborhood.” He clicked back to it and looked at Will with a wry smile.

“We are not watching this.” Will said.

“What’s wrong with Mr. Rogers?”

“We are two grown-”

“Don’t pretend you didn’t have a Daniel the Tiger stuffed animal. You smothered that thing for all of Kindergarten and brought it over to most sleepovers until you were 10.”

Will fired back, “What about you? Remember that library questionnaire in 2nd grade? When you were scared to put it down as your favorite show?”

“I’ve grown past my denial stage unlike you. Besides, if there is any show that will help us fall back asleep, it’s this one.”

“I don’t know. QVC could do the job just fine.” 

Mike handed Will the remote and sat back so that their arms were touching. The sensation echoed through Will’s every nerve ending. He left the show on and laid back, leaning into the touch ever so slightly. 

Will didn’t know what he was doing. It was a bad idea to be this close to Mike after an episode. Everything in him longed to curl up into him, to let himself be held. And Mike was just there, toeing the line. Offering enough touch to make it all confusing, to send him into the stars wishing and hoping for something that he knew couldn’t happen. Mike would never leave Hawkins. And Will wouldn’t leave California. 

All the same, Will didn’t want to go back to bed. He’d rather stay in the uncertainty, absorbing every kindness, gesture, and touch. He was scared to close his eyes in that dark room lest he return to the same hellish visions. 

They watched through the episode and made jibes at the ridiculousness but then a moment came on and both of them got kind of quiet. The man named Clemmons sang, “There Are Many Ways to Say I Love You,” and Will caught Mike staring intently, the way he did when he was looking for meaning in a movie scene. 

Mike caught Will’s quizzical look and answered it, “I never realized how profound this show was. I mean it’s a little hokey. But, no one… talks about love like that. Just so openly.” He shrugged, “Two guys sitting with their feet in a pool singing about love… who does that? It feels embarrassing to watch, but I wish it wasn’t.” He said quietly, “I wish it was more normal to do that.” 

Will responded, “I think, it doesn’t feel normal because it’s for kids, so everything is said out loud and in the open, so it can be explained. Things that aren’t usually talked about.”

“I guess. I don’t know. I… there have been moments with you guys, where I just-” he shrugged, “When you guys all flew back home to see El after we found her… I went to bring in El’s lunch and everyone was around her bed, trying to comfort her. I remember just wishing I could have said it right then. That there was some way to tell you all…”   
____________________________________________________________________

Will remembered that day. How eerie and unfamiliar El was. The last time he had seen her, she had been all rage, hell bent on finding Brenner. She had left a hole in their lives, all to destroy the man who had once been a nightmare but had come to haunt her days. When Hopper found El, wandering the streets of New York, they all thought she had lost, that Brenner had scrambled her brain the way he had with her mother. 

It was months later that they pieced it all together: the CAT scans that showed the scarred tissue in her brain, the article of a burned down government facility in Montauk, New York written by a familiar journalist. She had pushed herself too far. She sacrificed everything to make sure that there was never a 012.

Will stood in the room with this shell of their former friend. The girl who had whispered words of hope all those years ago, who had shut out the demons from the other world, was silent and stared like she was looking beyond the people gathered around her, somewhere far off. 

Will remembered the heavy sinking feeling in his gut, wondering how long Mike would still be chasing her. Mike finally had El back, but only in body. Her mind, her personality, everything else that Mike had loved about her once was gone. What if Mike was hoping for something that El was no longer capable of? 

When Mike had come back into the room, holding the tray of waffles, he looked so uncertain, like he was afraid to hope. But then he had looked up at his friends, and his eyes looked glassy, and a small, grateful smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.  
___________________________________________________________

Will pondered about the moment and about the song, “I think that's exactly what they are saying. Love doesn’t have to be said to be felt. I remember that moment, by the way, you coming into the room. You had this look and you were saying it, even if you didn’t know you were.”

And there was this soulful look in Mike’s eyes, of genuine love and gratitude. It made Will want to melt.

It was quiet for a moment. And suddenly Will didn’t trust himself. Talking about love with Mike, being so weak after an episode, it all made him just want to pull Mike in close. To have their lips crash in a sensation that was only a faded memory now. 

So, Will redirected their focus, “How’s El been? Has there been any progress with her talking?”

Mike shook his head. “The doctors say that she probably won’t be able to talk again. They’re calling it global aphasia but they can’t explain the scar tissue. Global aphasia is normally something that happens after a stroke… affects all the areas of that part of the brain, not only speaking language but understanding it. The scar tissue wasn’t just from Montauk. It was built up over time. Everytime she used her powers… she was using that part of her brain… communicating and it was all hurting her. The only way the doctor could really explain her condition was to compare it with concussions. Just recurring injury overtime. Never being given the chance to heal…” 

“Maybe… maybe he has it wrong. I mean he doesn’t know the whole story, right?”

Mike shook his head, “He may not have all the pieces. But everything he’s saying makes sense. So, we’re going to stop trying to rebuild her language. It's only been frustrating and... in all likelihood... it can't come back. It makes no sense to push her. So, we’ve been using sign language and there’s been a lot more progress. She can sign basic functions, hunger, bathroom, hot, cold, tired. She doesn’t have as many outbursts now. She still can get overwhelmed at times and then the signs go out the window but… yeah.” Mike could hear his own frustration and apologized, “Sorry. I don't mean to complain.”

“It’s not complaining, Mike. You’re allowed to talk about the tough parts, you don’t have to gloss it over.”

Mike sighed, “I know. I just hate sounding like a downer. I am happy to have her back. And this is improvement.”

“It is.” Will had to make every effort to keep the concern out of his voice. He knew the toll it was all taking on Mike and Hopper. 

“And, she has really started to join the space a little more. She’s mostly in her own world but she’ll come to the dinner table, sit with us for TV. And I’ve been taking her out places lately, just around town. A little at a time. She actually seems to look forward to them now. It’s nice.”

Will faked a smile, “That’s great.” He wanted to be happy for Mike that he’d found a way to be content but an old worry crept, wanting a foothold in the conversation.

Mike turned toward the TV and fell silent, having read some sign in Will’s face. “Don’t pity me, Will, please. Not you.”

The comment shot through Will. All those times he hated when people had done the very same to him, “I don’t!”

“Then, say what you actually were thinking. Please.”

Will averted his eyes, his fingers fiddling with the throw pillow. “You… you do things for yourself too, right?”

“What do you mean?”

Will instantly wanted to recoil, to backtrack the conversation. But it had been weighing on him for months. 

“It’s just… over this past year… just…” Why couldn’t he get the words out? He breathed and tried to make the thoughts coherent. He hated how the words would just get stuck inside him. 

He finally shoved the words out. “You used to volunteer for IYG. You used to go to game nights at the comic book store. You used to go on dates… but since El started living with you… one by one. All those things have stopped.” He took the risk of looking Mike’s way and he could see it. The way his brow crinkled when he was about to get defensive. But he also saw him trying to hold it back. 

“Look, I get why- why you’re concerned. But I’m okay. My life has just- it’s changed. It’s changed a lot. I can’t do a lot of the same stuff: volunteering at the youth group, those game nights- they would take up several hours. They were commitments. And I just don’t have that kind of time, anymore.”

“And the dating?”

Mike shook his head. “It was more stressful and aggravating than it was worth. It felt like I was constantly feeling either rejected or disappointed. And once I stopped chasing, once I just decided to stop, I felt so much better. Like the pressure was off. So now, I do the domestic stuff. The cooking, maintaining the house, taking care of El, and I enjoy it, Will. Maybe it’s not the type of life you or Dustin would want, but I’m content with it.”

That last part had hurt. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just… I worry is all. You give too much of yourself, Mike. You give your all until there’s nothing left.”

Mike took in Will’s words, considered them. “I have Hopper and your mom. They give me a break when I need it. And I do things for myself, too. I’ve been reading a lot more. And, while I don’t have a novel planned out, I’m getting ideas. I want to write again. When my coworkers get together on lunch break, I will usually go out with them, as long as it’s not in a bar. I do things. I promise I am okay.”

Will nodded. “Okay. I’m sorry.” 

Mike got up, “You don’t need to apologize, Will. I don't think you're the only one that's thought it, but you're the only one that's talked about it. It's sort of become the elephant in the room. I… I’m sort of glad you asked. Talking about it with you, I..." He stumbled over his words, "Just... Thank you for listening.” He threw a smile over his shoulder as walked over to his suitcase. 

Will’s heart jumped like it was catching the smile. Mike's sincere words nestled themselves in Will's rib cage. Mike had been so open. Will knew what was coming. They were unloading burdens from their mind and now the ball was in his court. He had just asked Mike something very personal. It was Will’s turn to offer something back, he’d have to tell him about the nightmare. But he’d wait to be asked.

Mike offered, “Let’s make breakfast.”

Will blinked. “What?”

“Breakfast. I am insanely hungry right now. I don’t know if it’s a jet lag but I’m wide awake and ready for the day.” He took out his clothes for the day from his suitcase and pulled out a grocer’s bag.

“But… it’s not even 5 in the morning. You’ll be exhausted.”

“Yeah. It’ll probably mean another early night for me.” 

“But aren’t you going back to sleep?”

“Are you?” Mike looked up, eyebrows raised, taking the supplies into the kitchen and setting them out on the counter.

Will answered honestly, “Probably not.”

“Then might as well take the opportunity to make you my world famous chocolate peanut butter pancakes.” 

“I’m sorry, your what?”

“Chocolate peanut butter pancakes.” He pulled out a jar of peanut butter from the bag.

“No. I mean ‘World Famous’. You can’t claim that status unless anyone else has tried them outside of Indiana.”

“Official title is pending.” He then took out some Reese’s Cups, cocoa, pancake mix, and chocolate chips.

Will laughed, “Did you pack those?”

“Nah. Dustin took me to the store yesterday. I knew I wanted to make them sometime this week. And turns out today’s the day.”

Will smiled as he watched Mike start getting things ready in the kitchen. He got up from the couch to help Mike find all the necessary supplies. Will couldn’t help the happiness floating up inside him. He knew he owed Mike a conversation but for now, he was just all smiles. Mike was giving up his sleep to be awake beside Will. He knew what Mike was doing. It was to distract him from the fear, to distract them both from the weights they carried. For the moment, it was all someplace far away. For this morning, they were just two friends stumbling around the kitchen, making a mess. Will watched Mike mix up the ingredients, his profile more gorgeous than ever as the early morning light began to come in through the windows. Although Will’s old wounds echoed their memories, warning him, Will couldn’t stop himself from falling in love all over again.


End file.
